The Silver Lining in Failure: Why it isn't the End of the Road

The Silver Lining in Failure.

I am going to be super vulnerable with you, which, if you know me, this is kind of hard to do. I don't really share every detail of my life and what I am up to, however, since my desire is to create a network of women who are dreaming and doing, I gotta put my big girl panties on and share the hard stuff.

You gotta help each other out once in awhile. We are in this together!

For the last 3 weeks, I have been studying to become a financial professional so I can join my fiance's practice, as well as create my own business helping women and their families live the life of their dreams. I believe women should have a seat and a voice at the table when it comes to conversations about money, finance, asset building and security for the future. Whether she makes $30K a year or $500K/year.....she should not be afraid of learning and speaking up.

Last Friday, I was scheduled to take one of the exams (this was test 2 out of 4) and ladies, let me tell you, that test was freaking hard. So hard. I failed. Big time.

You have to pass with a 70% and I missed it by 5 questions.

I cried. So hard.

I texted my Fiance my disastrous results, and he tried calling me to comfort me. (That's a good man, Savannah), but I literall could not answer because I was so upset. I was pissed at myself. I felt incredibly stupid, and I am pretty sure I asked myself 10 times within the 20 minute drive home from the test center:

"Why am I doing this?"

"I am not smart enough for this."

"Who do I think I am really believing that I can do this?"

"Why am I so stupid?"

I allowed a lot of negative self-talk to infiltrate my mind and heart after that failure. Luckily, I had quite a few friends who walked with me off the ledge of defeating thoughts and encouraged me with these viewpoints:

"This is new. It is supposed to be hard. You are capable."

"You are doing this because you see what it can become. Try again."

"This is stressful, yes, but you are not stupid. You get more time to prepare and now you know what to expect."

"This is okay! This is good even! Take a deep breath. Get back to it on Monday, and go crush it!"

"God put this on your heart to do. This won't mean that it will be without some hurdles. Praying for you!"

My friends and family and Bill reminded me that this disappointment is not meant to be final. In fact, this provided a silver lining, as well as a moment for me to pause for a second and see where adjustments need to be made so that I can set myself up to pass the next time I take the exam.

In full disclosure, I did a lot of blaming as well. I blamed the amount of time I had to study because I am still a mom and a partner with responsibilities.

I blamed the patriarchy (so stupid, but I was angry. LOL). Sometimes, anger makes us a little irrational.

We all do it. But we have to take responsibility for ourselves and look at areas in which we can do better. We can always do better.

Oh, and I am taking that exam again. And I will kick its ass.

So for you, my fellow DBBs, failure can provide a silverlining for us. Whether it is failing an exam, failing to earn that incentive for your business or company, failing to reach that goal, whatever.

Missing the mark, a lot of times, allows us to grow and gives us a renewed focus. It also helps us see if maybe we really want that goal we failed to achieve in the first place.

Falling down can mean the kick in the ass we need to get back up and try again. Sometimes, it can mean that we need to really evaluate whether this goal or dream that we have is really worth pursuing. It may have looked good at the time, but is it what you really want?

Failure can also mean realizing the timing is not right. That you may have to put that specific dream on pause for a bit, because the time for you to put in to achieve that dream is not available to you. You are setting yourself up for more failure because of it. It is okay to shelve dreams for a time.

Failure is not final. It is an inevitable part of our journeys as women who dream and do. Allow those moments when things don't go as planned to teach you and help you.

You got this.

Your DBB (Dream BuildHer Bestie),

Tiffany Rhea