Reviving Hope: Exploring New Dreams When Your Old Dream Fades Away

Growing up, I had dreams of being a performer in Hollywood. I was the child who sang and pranced around her house as loudly as she could, perfecting my voice and annoying the heck out of my family members. My sisters, who were also very talented singers and dancers, would often join me in the shenanigans and we would put on performances for our family members during the holidays. We were even given a karaoke machine that was to be used to entertain our family and put on performances.

I was very serious as a child about my dreams to perform. I was a part of the local theater group in my hometown and performed in showchoir and cast in theater productions in high school. I was also accepted into a performing arts school in New York called American Musical and Dramatic Academy (AMDA). I was a background actor for a few popular television shows and movies.

Then, 9-11 happened and those dreams faded. I got married at the age of 23 and had a new dream: To be the best wife and mother.

Had my first child at the age of 24. My second child was born when I was 27. My husband was a college pastor at our local church and I wanted to be an involved partner in ministry and a caretaker of our home. I sacrificed (willingly, I might add) a lot of my own dreams in order to fully support the dreams of my husband and build a beautiful life for our family.

Fast forward to 14 years later, and I was going through a divorce. I started a new full time job at a small family law firm and was making $13 an hour. I was not receiving any type of monetary support from my ex and the kids and I were living with my sister and brother in law. I didn't even have enough money to rent a one bedroom apartment.

Things looked bleak for awhile. I journaled a ton. Invested in good ol fashioned girl time and therapy. Focused on taking care of myself, and taking care of my children. I looked for employment that would allow me to increase my overall earnings, as well as took part in opportunities that allowed for me to have additional side income. (I do not believe in only having one stream of income, and I no longer believe in women relying solely on their partners for income and security).

With my new dreams written down in my journal, encouragment and assistance from friends and family, and a belief in myself, I was able to get through my divorce with very little debt, a place of my own for myself and my kids, a new job that provided me with a little bit of financial security, and a whole host of opportunities. Oh, and I met the man of my dreams (also manifested within the pages of my journal) and we are now getting married in September of 2024.

All of these wonderful things happened because I allowed myself to dream new dreams, and cling to the hope that eventually things would get better. I had to believe in that. I couldn't mope around and complain about my situation and how unfair it was that my ex hardly paid any support and that I was a single mother trying to make ends meet in a society that still looks down upon single mothers. I could have complained about the unfairness of it all (and I did complain sometimes) or I could do something about it and change my own damn life.

I chose the latter. I am so glad I did.

It is disheartening when dreams die. A life without trouble is not guaranteed. Every single one of you have or will at some point experience pain and trouble. It is part of living and breathing as a human being. I cannot guarantee you results of happiness, wealth, goodness in your life.

However, I can encourage, push, motivate, remind and provide resources that can help you dream new dreams, cling to hope, and overcome whatever challenges you may be experiencing as you dream and build. That is what this beautiful community is all about.

I am no longer satisfied with and I no longer hold true the idea that women should rely on their spouse to provide financial security for them, whether now or in the future. I am a tad cynical, admittedly so, after walking through my own divorce and working in a family law firm for several years. I have heard and seen far too many circumstances and stories of women left out in the cold and struggling when things fall apart. This isn't a reality for everyone, but it is a reality for many. It happens.

I don't believe that women have to be rich (although, why not!), but I do believe in women securing their own financial futures and dreams. For themselves. For their children. I believe that children benefit when they see their mothers being able to rise up when the winds change and they experience difficulty. I cannot tell you how many times my son, who was just 9 at the time his parents divorced, would tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be like me, and how proud he was of me. He and I are still incredibly close (he is 14 years old and towers over his mama).

My old dream: being a dutiful pastor's wife and staying at home to take care of our children while also serving women at the church and in our community.

New dream: Marrying the man of my dreams. A solid and healthy relationship with my teens. Living by the ocean (a dream of mine since I was a kid). A new career in helping women and families have financial security and build generational wealth and give back. Impact that spans beyond my time here on earth.

Now it is your turn.

Your old dream:

Your New Dream:

Your DBB (Dream BuildHer Bestie),

Tiffany Rhea